don't prepare

I don't know how I got so many words again.
I wrote about 10 letters in 3 days but I don't know how many of them have been read.

for many years this person thought that intentions were important (for what?),
but deeply inside was afraid it was bullshit.
but the truth is the more stupid things you've done the more you understand other people.

i'm watching everything now.
why is it all so beautiful?
(7:54)

if sitting in silence for a week with strangers makes such a connection,

what if we sit with the ones we love?

wersja robocza

there was a snow flurry in the attic and Monday morning when I woke up I found some real snow on the roof.

at 5:30 I went to chant the morning bell with two other girls, three of us in grey robes.
kind of  le guin's aesthetics, isn't it?

I took a closer look at my part of the myth to see if there was anything left.
but what is 'really' happening is always more interesting.

other things seem more clear now as well,

during the last three years I spent a lot of time in the forest
with a decision to push away all the distractions and all the blankets
(even the small ones, all the songs and movies and stories and pills and psychotherapy, etc.), so most of the time I was left alone with the demons and the mould on my walls.
and food.

but then one day I saw real deers sleeping between the trees
and I literary buried the demon's mask at night.
(it didn't help then but I was desperate)

and later,every day after the morning practice I collected nettles at the lake
and one day I saw a dying bird.

maybe it works the same as all the retreats,
you see how useful it is only after you leave the Dharma room.
so now in the middle of the storm I could see how strong is my center, how sane I am.

I didn't run away from the first Kyolche only because I knew there was nothing outside that would help me.

biedny Żal,
biedny Lęk.

polaroid taken in the future
overexposed possibility

as you can see, the real Mountain polaroid is usually underexposed.
I still have two sx-70 films in my fridge.